Tag: c: peter parker
The real reason it’s a fucking travesty Peter Parker is “straight” is that he would have a fucking field day making gay jokes. Imagine Spiderman wit mixed with millennial gay humour. He’d be unstoppable
[Criminal, or Steve. Or someone] give it to me straight. Why is some kid swinging around and beating up people in Queens?
[Peter] First of all, nothing I do is straight.
[Villain punches him]
[Peter] this is homophobia.
[Someone. Probably Tony] he said nothing about gay people, though?
[Peter] but he hit me. So again. Homophobia.
[Tony] you could not have picked a worse time to come out of the closet.
[Peter] bold of you to assume I was ever in the closet to begin with. I’ve been giving off Chaotic Twink Energy my whole damn life.
Aunt may: so why can’t you get your driver’s license again??
Peter: I’m???? Gay????
reporter: mister Stark, can you comment on the statement your protegee Spiderman made last tuesday? “Id rather suck two hundred *censored* than shake Donald Trump’s hand”?
tony stark: *crying* he’s so wise
actual College Student peter parker:
– Peter: i’m gonna die
Tony: bad guys?
Peter: finals
– peter being That Person in the group accommodation that the rest of the hall genuinely doesn’t believe exists. like that room at the end of the hall no one ever seems to enter or exit?? peter’s. he comes in through the window. the rest of the hall are sure they met him once at orientation but they haven’t seen him since
– but sometimes they hear weird bumps in the night and muffled cursing and the resident stoner swears he saw tony stark go in there but nobody believes him
– *peter gets in from patrol at 4am* *see’s planner* “ah shit I have a lecture at 8″
– peter lying in bed as his alarm goes off the next morning: is it worth it. is it. do i even really need a degree? i could be a stripper. I have an okay body. strippers don’t have to get up for 8am lectures. is it r e a l l y worth it –
– peter at a morning lecture, with three coffees and a pack of redbull and one pen missing a lid “this is fine”
– “did that dude just down a pack of redbull like he’s doing shots” “same”
– u know that really annoying person who misses like 80% of the lectures but still somehow manages to get the highest mark on the exam? peter is That Asshole
– *peter showing up 10 mins late, bags the size of texas under his eyes, wearing pajama bottoms and a t shirt advertising iced tea, shaking from a lack of sleep/caffeine binge* “is this advanced chemistry?” “ancient history” “close enough” *collapses onto nearest desk*
– peter going around the freshers fair and grabbing every free thing in sight: pens, tote bags, notebooks, t shirts advertising shitty energy drinks, shoving everything edible in his mouth bc he’s a poor kid and he knows You Don’t Turn Down Free Food
– “Karen, how long can I survive on pot noddles and discount pizza before I die?”
[post-infinity war]
tony: oh my god, are you okay?!?!?
the avengers: a little injured, but fine I guess, thanks-
tony: [immediately pushing past them] I was talking to peter???
you hold your child as tight as you can. [then push away the unimaginable.]
Hey!headcanon/prompt about Pepper letting Peter and May move at her place after Tony dies because she feels lonely and of course she loves the kid too.. So I guess you could either write about Peter coming home injured from patrol and those two overprotective mums trying to help him OR Pepper finding out about Flash bullying Peter(?) And she with May teaching Flash a lesson or sth(yeah idek if this makes sense but I always wanted to see a good friendship between those two soo..)have a nice day!
Sorry this took awhile, anon. Hope it was worth the wait!
Two weeks after Tony Stark died, there’s a knock on May
Parker’s door.When she answers, there’s an unfamiliar man in a gray suit
so bland he could only be a lawyer.He gives her a small smile and says, “Ma’am, I’m here to
discuss Tony Stark’s will.”She slams the door in his face.
He comes back half an hour later, armed with coffee,
pastries, and Pepper Potts.“May,” Pepper greets warmly, a pained smile on her pale
face. Her makeup is flawless and May feels guilty about the mascara tracks down
her cheeks.“Pepper,” she says, wiping at her face. “Come in.”
She calls Peter from his room, and knows by the look of
dread on his face that he’s been listening in.They settle in the living room, Pepper graciously dispersing
the high-end baked goods on May’s chipped plates without any hesitation or
distaste in her features. She hands Peter a raspberry Danish, his favorite,
without asking what he wants, and May softens towards this intrusion. It’ll
hurt, but it hurts Pepper, too, so she can’t complain.The lawyer introduces himself as Robert Sharp, gets the
formal jargon over with, and then turns to Peter.“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Peter,” he says, and he sounds
sincere. “Mr. Stark talked about you often.”Peter nods shyly, burrows further into May’s side. She holds
his hand and resists the urge to kick the lawyer out again. Couldn’t Pepper
just tell them? It would be so much better from her.“As such, he has several benefits for you listed in his
will. First, a college fund set up in your name, sufficient to cover eight
years at any college of your choice. Second, this collection of brochures to the
Massachusetts Institute of Technology.” Peter snorts into May’s shoulder,
reaching out and taking the stack of glossy MIT handouts Mr. Sharp had pulled
out of his bag. Pepper’s lips twitch into a smile.“Third,” Mr. Sharp continues, “twenty-five percent of Mr.
Stark’s shares to Stark Industries. He has noted here that his stock portfolio
managers will continue to handle these until you are twenty-one. Fourth, he has
named you the director of the September Foundation, and all associated charities
and scholarship funds. This is a position that you will take up at the age of
twenty-five. I have quite a lot of literature and directions written up for you
at my office, I’ll make sure you get them.”Peter’s practically hyperventilating now. His eyes are so
full of tears, May is sure he can’t see.Robert hesitates, looking at Pepper for a moment. Her own
eyes are a little glassy, but she nods for him to continue.“Fifth, all the Iron Man suits that have not already been
donated, as well as all the land, facilities, and materials associated with the
team known as the Avengers. Again, these are to be claimed at the age of
twenty-five, unless, and I’m quoting here, ‘unless he has need of them sooner,
but he better not have need of them sooner.’”Peter sobs. He buries his face in his hands, his shoulders
shuddering. May rubs his back.“Are we done?” she asks.
“Not quite,” Robert says, looking apologetic. “The last items
listed for Peter are… DUM-E, U, and Butterfingers. There’s no explanation,
but I’m sure Mr. Parker knows what he means.”Peter sniffs, nodding.
“Great.” May stands, ready to shoo Robert the Lawyer out the
door so she can comfort her mourning nephew. “Now that that’s all taken care
of…”“Actually, Mrs. Parker, you’re listed as a beneficiary as
well.”She sits. Mostly because she’s lost feeling in her legs. “I’m in there?”
Robert nods. Pepper smiles patiently.
“Ok, well… read on, then,” she waves a hand at him,
feeling sick to her stomach. She doesn’t want anything. She doesn’t want to
benefit from Tony’s death.“Alright. To May Parker, the amount thirteen years of school
in New York City costs.” May blinks at Robert the Lawyer, then at Pepper who’s
mouth is pursed in a thin line to keep from crying, then back to Robert.“What?” She asks, her face flushing.
“There’s a note he requested I give you upon reading that,”
Robert adds, digging once again in his bag. It’s just a little slip of paper, with
Tony’s handwriting on it, familiar from notes about picking up Peter, or
dropping off Peter’s backpack when he forgot it at Tony’s.I know Peter isn’t my
son, but he’s as good as. If I had met him as a child I would have insisted on
paying for his schooling—taking care of a genius is no cheap task. You’ve done
so much for him, May. Let me do this much for you.May clenches her jaw, pulls Peter a little closer to her.
“What if I don’t want it?” May blurts out. She doesn’t want
any of it, knows Peter doesn’t either. They would turn down every cent if they
could have Tony back.Mr. Sharp smiles. “Mr. Stark was very careful. The money has
already been moved into your account. You can choose to not use it, I suppose,
but it is yours.”There are a few more technicalities they suffer through,
paperwork and things they’ll have to fill out at some point. Then Pepper is
wadding up the trash from their, mostly abandoned, treats and taking it to the
trash in the kitchen. She brushed off her pencil skirt, then smiles and May and
Peter again.“Just so you know, I’m renting out the floor just below the
penthouse of the Tower. Just half of it, mind, the other half is Tony’s lab.”
Her mouth thins again when she Tony’s name, and she takes a deep breath before
she continues. “I thought you might be interested, now that you’re a little…
more secure, financially. Here’s the listing information.” She hands May a
paper with a web address on it.“It was good to see you both,” Pepper says as she leaves.
Peter pulls out his second-hand laptop, types in the
address.The listed price is exactly the same as their current
apartment’s monthly rent. May scoffs, pulls her sleeves over her hands and
curls up in the corner of the couch, watching over Peter’s shoulders.There are two other bids on the apartment, which they get to
see because this is so obviously a ploy.The names are Charlotte Webber and Sheila and Bob Tolkien.
Peter stays frozen for a second as he looks at the not-at-all-subtle
hints that this apartment was for them and them only. Then he starts laughing.
Then he starts crying.May closes his laptop, takes it off his lap, and pulls him
into her arms.“We’ll go get moving boxes in the morning,” she says. Peter
nods against her shoulder, shaking with sobs.Peter doesn’t go into the lab that shares their floor for a
month after moving in. It’s a big adjustment, from their cramped two-bedroom,
seventh floor walk up, to the sweeping space of the penthouse of one of the
tallest skyscrapers in New York.When he does finally key in his code, the lab lights up.
Tony’s bots wake up, beeping at Peter sadly.“Peter,” FRIDAY greets. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Peter wanders around the space in a daze. He settles in his
usual chair, leaving Tony’s space untouched.“FRIDAY, do you… do you run yourself? Do diagnostics and
everything?”“Yes, though Boss usually goes through my code every month, just
to make sure I’m running correctly and there are no security breaches.”“Right.” He pauses. “I’m… I’m not that good at coding. You’d
have to teach me what to look for.”“I can do that,” FRIDAY says.
“And for my suit. I need to know how to keep Karen running.”
“I can do that, too,” she assures him.
Peter spends a lot of time with Pepper. They carry on with
Friday night dinners, Sunday night movie marathons, just like they had when
Tony was alive. They preserve his memory together, kept between the two people who
loved him most in the world. Peter feels less alone on those nights.May joins them most of the time, unless she’s working. It’s
a bit like having two moms, sometimes. They both nag him about sleeping, being
careful on patrol, they both feed him third helpings at every meal.Pepper’s care is different from Tony’s. She’s quiet where he
was loud, vocal when he would have been silent. But she does care, just like he
had.It’s not the same. But it’s ok.
When he goes to enter the lab, way past his curfew for the third
time that week, FRIDAY doesn’t open the door.“FRI?” he asks.
“I’m sorry, Peter. I am not allowed to let you in at night more
than twice a week. It’s part of the ‘I want you to be better’ protocol.”He goes on patrol instead. He’s sleep deprived and blinking
back tears and sloppy. He mutes Karen, turns off his phone.When he inevitably gets hurt, he swings one-handed all the
way back to the tower. Instead of his open window, he climbs a little higher, crawls
in through the bathroom window on Pepper’s floor.That’s where Pepper finds him, sitting in his bloody suit in
her bathtub, his mask off, one of her hand-towels pressed against his side.He’s crying. As soon as she sees him, she starts crying too.
“Oh, Peter,” she sighs. She gets the first-aid kit, then
climbs into the bathtub with him.She takes care of his cut first, sniffling all the while as
she dabs antiseptic through the torn suit. Then she pulls his head onto her
shoulder and holds him.“He wouldn’t want this,” she hiccups while Peter sobs into
her t-shirt. “He wouldn’t want you going out and getting hurt like this.”Peter gasps for enough breath to say, “I don’t know how to
fix the suit. I ruined it and I don’t know how to fix it.”He’s crying like a child, loud choking sobs ripping through
him. Pepper runs her hand through his hair like she’s trying to comfort him,
but she’s crying, too.“It’s ok.” He can barely understand the words through her
tears. “He would just want you to be alright. He never cared about the suit. It’s
ok.”Peter feels like Tony died all over again.
No amount of soothing can make him stop crying. He wants to
cry until he falls asleep, and wake up with Tony in his bed, like he used to
after a nightmare.“Peter?” he hears May ask. FRIDAY must have woken her up.
“May,” he whimpers, holding out one hand. He wants her to
hold him, too, wants the two of them to wrap their arms around him so tightly that
he stops feeling like he’s falling apart.She clambers into the bathtub, too, and there really isn’t
room for her, but they sit there together, a knot of messy, crying people.“I ripped the suit,” Peter confesses to May. She, like
Pepper, understands what he’s really saying. This was the last thing Tony did
for him, there were hours and hours of Peter and Tony in the lab built into
that suit, and he’d damaged it.“We’ll figure out how to fix it,” she promises him, pressing
kisses to his temple.Peter sobs again.
“Peter,” Pepper whispers. He looks up at her, her face
blurry through his tears. “He loved you so much.”May’s arm reaches across him, takes Pepper’s hand and
squeezes it. Peter closes his eyes again and lets himself cry, held between
these two women who love him.*For anyone who might have missed it, Sheila and Bob Tolkien was a reference to Shelob, the giant spider in the Lord of the Rings. Tony thinks he’s clever. (I, apparently, also think I’m clever).
Hi, I’m not crying, my eyes are just a little sweaty today
