chanqlix:

neil josten: [face down on the floor] listen everything is totally fine

andrew minyard: “how’re you doing?” and how would i know that

kevin day: who needs broadway when every trip in my car is one-man production of hamilton starring me as everyone 

nicky hemmick: the gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian

matt boyd: “why do you talk to your pet like a human?” first of all, that is my child

dan wilds: 

if you ever get in a fight with your significant other just breathe in the helium out of a balloon and have an argument and the first one to laugh loses

allison reynolds: u kno when you’re crying and u catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and you’re like??? if this was a movie this scene would have won me an oscar

renee walker: if a girl asks me for a tampon and i don’t have one for her, best believe we bouta search the entire vicinity together to find her a tampon

aaron minyard: 

what if everytime u got nervous you yodelled

david wymack: 

my blood type is somewhere between vanilla latte and vodka soda with extra lime

betsy dobson: I love to MEME (Massively Express My Emotions).

abby winfield: i hate making tea cuz i feel bad for throwing out the teabag. i’m always like i should eat this

+ BONUS

jean moreau: my plan B for everything is to die before it happens

jeremy knox: i’ll do a lot of things but admitting to jean that i’m cold when he told me to bring a jacket is not one of them

sara alvarez: romeo oh romeo can thou telleth me if i am thy bae or naw

laila dermott: reminder that winnie the pooh wore a crop top w/ no panties and ate his fave food and loved himself and u can too

erik klose: “found the feminist lol” yeah im not hiding

part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4