Tag: c: bruce wayne

geewhizgang:

okay okay yall but like hear me out

batfam but its the fucking. halloween heists from b99?? like it started when dick was like twelve and he called out bruce’s shit and bet like two weeks worth of homework and patrol reports that he could be a better detective and he won so next year bruce didnt hold back and it just. continued.

a couple years later babs got involved and got really pissed that they didnt consider her a serious player so she pulled out her big guns and humiliated them both. dicks never been more in love.

jason gets way too into it on his first year and teams up with babs and they both kick bruce and dicks asses, and then he double crosses his beloved teammate and forces dick by laws of being winner winner chicken dinner to call him the best robin ever.

flash forward like 15 years and its literally about 8 people of various ages running around the manor and blowing hundreds of bruce’s dollars on increasingly elaborate stunts. damian loses to tim and tries to burn down the whole cave. dukes drinking tea with alfred. dick and bruce are arch enemies once again. jason threatens to die for the second time. cass and babs and steph absolutely have a witty team name and plotting charts full of strategy and perfect code names and words. its a very good time.

jewishjaybird:

17mujipens:

kamala-khaan:

jewishjaybird:

jewishjaybird:

jason todd, who grew up in poverty, would absolutely Destroy bruce over tipping. Because for a lot of minimum wage workers, it’s their only source of income! so when Bruce tries to tip a waitress 20$ on a coffee order? think again bitch, make it 50$.

bruce: *tries to tip a waitress 100$ on a 15$ meal

jason: oh so youre stingy now, huh? gonna pay in pocket change next time? there are no ethical billionaires under late capitalism.

bruce, adding another hundred: jason please people are staring

jason: you stingy ass bitch you think youre better than everyone dont you.. you fuckin batbastard

bruce after tipping 1000$ @the dunkin donuts drive thru: pleazz jason theres people behin

jason finds out that B only left a $50 tip and makes him pay the waiter’s rent

jason: the french revolution had the right idea when they beheaded all the rich bitches 

bruce, frantically calculating a 600% tip: please son we’ve talked about this

forwhateveryouwant:

Bruce: ?? Why do you all have bruises on your knees?

Dick: we were on our knees umm

Duke: praying!

Jason: giving blowjobs!

Tim: Damian pushed me down the stairs again!

Bruce: …[sighing] Dick tell me what happened

[flashback to the four of them betting they could knee the new Batman suit hard enough to dent the crotch]

Dick: no yeah we were on our knees praying for forgiveness cuz of all the blowjobs and then Damian pushed Tim down the stairs

jewishjaybird:

jewishjaybird:

jason todd, who grew up in poverty, would absolutely Destroy bruce over tipping. Because for a lot of minimum wage workers, it’s their only source of income! so when Bruce tries to tip a waitress 20$ on a coffee order? think again bitch, make it 50$.

bruce: *tries to tip a waitress 100$ on a 15$ meal

jason: oh so youre stingy now, huh? gonna pay in pocket change next time? there are no ethical billionaires under late capitalism.

bruce, adding another hundred: jason please people are staring

My ideal beginning to a Batman movie:

stormqueen280:

littlemissonewhoisall:

experimental-sponge:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

littlemissonewhoisall:

We start with a slow pan down to Gotham as Oracle narrates

“Ask your average person who Gotham’s most famous citizen is, and you’ll get the same response every time: Bruce Wayne. Everybody’s heard of Bruce Wayne. You’ve probably heard his name a million times before. But there are some things that the average citizen doesn’t know about him. See, to the people of Gotham, Bruce Wayne is a rich kid who never grew up. They think he’s a buffoon, an airhead, a moron. But the truth is…”

*Batman bursts out of a window, screaming, on fire*

*record scratch, freeze frame*

“…they aren’t entirely wrong about that.”

EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

This is then followed by a series of clips from interviews with various Gotham citizens, all of whom give humorously ironic descriptions of Bruce Wayne’s idiocy:

“Bruce Wayne? I hear the guy gets through a super-car every month! Replaces every one, just like that!”

*Cut to shot of the Batmobile flipping end-over-end after slamming into one of Bane’s APCs*

“Wayne? Please! The guy would probably have accidentally killed himself years ago if he didn’t have that butler to babysit him!”

*Cut to Alfred physically restraining Bruce from going out to fight Scarecrow while having a broken arm, a concussion, and the flu,*

“I bet he throws away cash like it grows on trees!”

*Cut to Batman shouting “Hey, Lucius! Ask R&D to make some kryptonite/Nth metal alloy baterangs! Y’know, just in case!”

“I’m almost jealous. Super rich and he gets to hang out with gorgeous women across the world? Sign me up!”

*Cut to Bruce being slammed face first into a wall repeatedly by Lady Shiva.*

Hey DC Comics!!!!!!